July 11, 2026 – 8:20 AM
The western states have run out of water, and their farms and cities are turning into
deserts. That’s because their only source of water, the Colorado River, has dried up. The farmers
in them once fertile states, the fruits and nuts breadbasket of the county (breadbasket doesn’t
sound right. Fruit basket? Nut basket?) are screaming that they want more water.
What dopes! They ain’t gonna get no more water. No way.
Two reasons. The snow that used to melt and flow down the Colorado River is NEEDED
by ski resorts like Alta and Aspen because if there ain’t enough snow when Chosie goes skiing
there he’s gonna get his beautiful skis scratched up something awful by rocks, and who needs
that?
Second, the western States got an absolutely CRAZY idea. They want to PIPE water
from New England and New York because they say we got more than enough.
Wait a GOLDURN minute. This summer it cost me two hundred bucks to fill my pool.
I’ve got RELIABLE estimates that if the Western States start piping our water out to flood their
dried up farms next year it may cost me twenty-five percent (25%) more, and that would be
twenty-five dollars ($25) that I ain’t got to fill my pool. No fair!! Just because their farm lands
turned into sand is NO reason I should get SHAFTED out $25 to fill my pool. Does that make
any sense at ALL? None!
Here’s what these Westerners SHOULD do. They got lots of sand, right? Go into the
SAND BUSINESS. Sell that sand!
There are LOTS of places out there that are short of sand and will pay them dry farmer
big bucks for it. To get their sand scam going, they oughtta stock up on little pails and shovels so
kids from ALL OVER the world can come to the desert that used to be LA and make sand
castles and bury their moms and dads in the sand. Fun, right? And make the kids’ parents PAY to
rent them pails and shovels with the ”Great American Desert” logo. Them kids from the sand
deprived states I mentioned including the CLEAN sand deprived states will pay a premium to
use them pails and shovels in the Beverly Hills desert. I would suggest renting the toy shovels
for a hundred bucks ($10) and the pails for two hundred ($20). Sounds nuts, but some World Cup
tickets been going for ten thousand ($10,000) why not soak them kids for $30. Am I right? You
bet I am. Heh. Heh.
There are also states like Louisiana, Mississippi and Texas where kids have NEVER seen
clean sand not soaked in leakage from oil rigs. And states like Kansas, Iowa, Arkansas,
Kentucky, Tennessee, etc, etc, where kids have NEVER played in sand because them states ain’t
got none. Because sand there has gotten too expensive to fill their sandboxes. So this year when
the sand suppliers’ trucks from the Sahara Desert come round selling sand for the usual $5.00 per
sandbox, the embattled dry farmers from California and Arizona can UNDERCUT them by
offering to fill the sandboxes of $3.99, a savings of $1.01, which I checked the math by casting
out nines. Maybe the farmers should have sand trucks, sorta like the Good Humor trucks,
cruising though small town and cities playing Metallica “Enter Sadman” over loudspeakers, and
sellk sand by the pailful or sandbox full to sand kids desperate for their sand. Worth a try.
Okay. After ripping off them dumb kids and their parents to play in the sand, you’re still
gonna have a lot of sand left over. Them Western states will still have a lot more sand to sell.
How to unload it?
And here’s another way where them Western States with no water but plenty of sand can
CASH IN.
Here’s how. Remember them former farmers who used to be raising cotton, almonds, pot,
etc. are still probably coming up short selling sand compared to what they got selling them high
value crops like what I just said. They need to develop new markets for their bumper crops of
sand, plus persuade the Agriculture Department to set up price supports for sand in case they got
some they can’t sell.
There are totally unexploited markets for sand like Saudi Arabia. What, you say, are you
crazy, if there’s one thing besides oil Saudi Arabia has plenty of, it’s sand. Aintcha Never heard
of the Sahara Desert?
Sure the Saudi princes and billionaires got plenty of sand, but is it LUCKY sand?
Lucky sand, you say. The heck you say. I never heard of lucky sand!
That’s because you ain’t a marketing genius like Chosie. What do them Saudi princes
(and Emirs) do all day besides try to settle the cat fights in their harems? Play Corn Hole, that’s
what. And they fill their corn hole bags with ordinary Sahara Desert sand they get for nothing,
maybe the sand from their sandals or in their camels’ fur. But they will pay a LOT for LUCKY
SAND from, get this, VEGAS, to fill their Corn Hole bags, maybe even $4.99 a bagful. (The .99
is a marketing trick the gas stations use to make you think you’re getting a bargain. Pretty slick,
huh?)
All told there are probably a couple thousand of these billionaire princes and emirs, let’s
say two thousand (2000) and each of these camel jockeys will need six (6) bags and at $4.99 a
bag and that comes to $59,880 plus these rascals got anywhere from three (3) to a hundred (100)
wives, let’s say on the average fifty (50). That would be 600,000 more bags bringing in another
$2,994,000. That makes the total $3,053,880. Nice piece a change, right?
But how to get the lucky sand from Vegas to Saudi Arabia? Isn’t that gonna eat into the
profits?
That’s where Chosie’s way ahead of ya. These Saudi and Emirates owlhoots spend a lotta
time in Vegas raising the kinda hell they can’t raise at home. We will pay the stewardesses on
these dopes’ private jets to SMUGGLE the sand back to Saudi Arabia in special bras fitted with
secret SAND POCKETS. That way the transportation will be free because we will pay off the
stewardess smugglers with corn hole bags of sand but we will trick them by filling them with
cheap (free) Sahara sand instead of expensive ($4.99) lucky Vegas sand. Since all together we
are smuggling 612,000 bags full of lucky sand and each bag weighs about two (2) pounds and
each stewardess can maybe hide a half (1/2) pounds in each bra cup it will take just about one
million two hundred twenty four thousand (1,224,000) trips to get a year’s supply of lucky sand
over there. I could speed things up by having the pilot and first officer swallow some condoms
filled with sand, maybe four (4) pounds each. This is just to show that with some creative
thinking it shouldn’t be too hard to get the Saudis their “product” without getting ripped off by
Fed Ex.
But even after selling corn hole bags filled with Vegas Sand to them Arab suckers, there’s
still gonna be a lot of sand left, now that California, Texas, Arizona and a whole bunch of flyover
states have plumb dried out. Completely.
We got plans for that! Sell sand to the billionaires on Nantucket and Martha’s Vineyard
whose dunes that protect their mansions, pools, tennis courts and private helicopter pads are
getting washed away by rising ocean levels caused by the global warming hoax.
But how to transport the stuff from Arizona to them islands. Easy. Let the billionaires use
their pool boys and yard guys to set up a sand pail bucket brigade so they can pass the pails hand
to hand until the sand reaches the harbors across from Nantucket and the Vineyard where it can
be snuck onto the little red wagons day trippers use for their stuff and put on the ferry with the
rest of the day trippers’ sandwiches and soda pop. Again, no shipping charges.
And if there is still some sand left over after selling sand to the Saudi and Emirate princes
for their corn hole bags and the Nantucket and Martha’s Vineyard billionaires for their dunes, I
got one more plan that should take all the sand in Arizona, Nevada, California, etc.
If you are as concerned as I am about how the global warming hoax is making the ice that
covers the North and South Poles break off and form big icebergs like the ones that sank the
Titanic and drowned Leonardo DiCapprio (Bob Dylan wrote a GREAT song about that) and float
south and north respectively, that is, the North Pole icebergs float South and the South Pole
icebergs float north if I got that right (I probably didn’t).
Anyway this seem to be what is making the oceans rise and wash away the sand dunes of
those gosh durn billionaires.
Here’s the plan. We ship all the unsold sand to the North and South Poles and have kids
(maybe Eskimo kids who this will keep out of trouble) with pails and shovels we sell them and
have them build two SAND DAMS, one around the North Pole and one around the South Pole
and that will keep them icebergs from floating south and north (they know which way to float
even if I don’t, goddamnit) and melting and making the oceans rise and wash away those f**king
billionaires’ sand dunes. And who pays us for building them sand dams? All the people who are
getting flooded by the global warming hoax’s rising water.
And if they won’t pay? We let loose a DRONE ICEBERG, powered by an outboard
motor, a Mercury or a Yamaha, and have it crash into them, destroying EVERYTHING just like
what happened to Antarctica in Project Hail Mary (the book not the movie). That’ll get their
attention!
You’ve probably seen the problem with this last plan. If we end the global warming hoax
and the oceans stop rising and washing away the goddamn billionaires’ sand dunes, won’t they
try to return the sand for a refund.
THAT’S why we tell the billionaires that with the sand there’s no returns, no refunds, no
takebacksies, in other words, in fact in these EXACT words, fuck you, you bought the sand,
you’re stuck with it, so tough luck you shitheads.